Using language to acknowledge strengths

I had to do the hard work during my college years to figure out my interests and strengths. I want to help guide my children to have a better idea of who they are sooner than later and it is possible with the use of language. I will be sharing lots of tips and tools on this website and social media when it comes to using our words to help our children, but today I want to talk about how we praise our kiddos and encourage you to try something different. if you are one who, like me, always says ‘Good Job’ then you are in the right place! Read through the end of this article for 2 life-changing videos in regards to using the right words when praising your kids and acknowledging their strengths.

There is so much research that I have read that talks about how to praise your child in ways that encourages growth! Some studies even say don’t praise your child, but to praise the process they took to produce the effort. This is KEY and really the main step in bringing out the God-given abilities and strengths our children have! If you are a parent who always tells their child, good job, you are not alone! As moms, we wear many hats: cook, maid, nanny, chauffeur to name a few. I know for me, when I am busy in those very important roles, I do one of 2 things when my child comes to me looking for affirmation of a job well done. I either use the general comment of ‘good job’ or all I see is what needs improved and say something like, ‘your handwriting isn’t very neat, we need to work on that’, therefore giving him the label of messy. Honesty is very important and not being truthful with our kids when they need to improve, isn’t helpful. The video below touches on the importance of praising the effort vs. the person or what to do instead of applying a label such as ‘you’re so smart’.

Instead of saying, ‘your handwriting isn’t very neat’ I could have said, ‘I can see you really took some time making your t’s super straight.

Were you waiting for the ‘but’ when you read what I could have said? Me too, in fact I started typing it because it is SO INGRAINED into our language to tell them what needs improved. And don’t get me wrong, there is a time and place for that. By me acknowledging the parts of his writing that looked good, he hears it looks good because of the effort he took and therefore will encourage him to take that effort next time with the rest of his writing.

Habits are hard to break. In fact experts say it takes 28 days to form a new habit. I have been a mom for 14 years, that’s 14 years of ‘good job’ that I need to break. Don’t beat yourself up if after reading this article you hear yourself say ‘good job.’ Take it one day at a time, observe your child and observe the phrases you use. If you say good job, move on. Then take some time to write down what you could have specifically said instead. On our Guiding The Archer Pinterest page are some images that include great suggestions on what to use instead! Please comment below your thoughts on the videos. Would love to hear your feedback!

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   I liked. sitting at the feet. Listening to the words of Jesus. The piece an comfort that would bring .…

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   Amen! Our purpose is to know God, make Him known to others and spread His Kingdom message around the world….

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   Nothing is wasted in God’s economy. Your painful journey while supporting your loved ones around you has become a bridge…

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   Enjoyed the post. Can’t wait to see the path the arrow travels.

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   I absolutely LOVE these videos!!! I have always preached 100% effort with my children and not the end result. Being…

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