Employed by God

Why do we constantly doubt ourselves? Why do we question God whether we are the right person for the job of helping a friend who is struggling? Why are we constantly looking towards tomorrow as having the answer to our purpose, instead of allowing ourselves to accept that this very moment is the intentional point and place in our lives God needs us to be?

I remember the day that changed my life, when I found myself doubting the exact point and place God had me. I was a college graduate, still working retail. Though I’m extremely thankful for the many experiences and lessons I gained from working retail, I always looked towards tomorrow as the day God was going to provide a job in which I would be successful and fulfill my purpose. I was the Fine Jewelry Coordinator at the time for Sears. Sears was the retailer I spent 14 years with as I paid for college, got married, started a family and was taught the importance of treating people fairly and building a team. Though I truly loved customer service, building a team, and working with people I considered family, I always felt I was to do more with my life. No matter the success I had from working my way up from a cashier to assistant store manager and human resource manager, there was always a stirring in my heart for something more. Something more than having a job, being able to provide and pay the bills, something more than feeling the achievement of success.

The day that changed my life and lead me to my purpose, started before the store had opened. I was walking up to my department not wanting to even be at work that day when I said out loud to God, “Why am I still here? Why am I working retail with a college degree?” Seconds later God gave me the answer. I arrived in my department and noticed an employee nearby. We greeted each other and I asked how things were going. As she began to speak, I noticed her wrist was wrapped with bandages. My mouth opened before my brain could restrict it and I asked what happened to her. She looked up at me with tears in her eyes. With hesitation in her voice she said, “I slit my wrist last night. I’m really struggling. Life is hard and everything is piling up on me.” In complete shock I instantly regretted my choice in questioning her. Thankfully, the Holy Spirit was present and turned my awkwardness into compassion. I told her how sorry I was for the struggles she was having. I told her I had no words to make the pain go away, but I wanted to let her know I was there for her, praying, and that I would miss her greatly as would many others if she completed the act of suicide.

The store was about to open so we had to end our conversation. She thanked me for my words and said she couldn’t even believe she told me what happened. She admitted she was getting help and a therapy appointment had been scheduled but she was thankful I was there to see and acknowledge her presence. That moment, to some people, may not mean a thing. But to me, someone who had lost her dad to suicide 5 years earlier, it meant so much. Why had God chose me to be the one at work that day? Why had God chose me to ask the question that lead to the conversation with her? Why did God choose me, to lose my dad to suicide? Where did those words that came out of my mouth providing her comfort, though I was terrified to speak, come from?

That wasn’t the last intentional place God put me to have a conversation about suicide. Nor was it the last time the Holy Spirit showed up providing me the very words God needed me to say. In fact, through my time in retail and my life experience that leads to today, there have been several people who have opened up to me about their struggles in life and their battles with mental health. But after the day I questioned why God had me in retail, He started showing me signs that my journey was going to include helping others with my words regarding mental health and the topic of suicide.

That journey has lead me to becoming a member of the Four County Suicide Prevention Coalition, an active advocate in the field of mental health and a volunteer on the Four County L.O.S.S team (Local Outreach for Survivors of Suicide). As a volunteer for LOSS, we are first responders to the scene of a suicide. We are called by law enforcement to support the families who are now responsible for dealing with their challenging feelings of grief from suicide. Many times we are on the scene in less than 2 hours from the death. A time when the family is in shock, angry, hurt and confused over what happened. We are not counselors, but offer support and resources, a listening ear and a connection from one survivor of suicide (someone who has lost a loved one to suicide) to another.

Many people I speak with say they don’t know how I can be a volunteer for LOSS, showing up to such a sensitive and tough time in a families life with having my own memories of the day I lost my dad. But to me, I truly come alive. Often times, after leaving a scene, I feel energized, like the Holy Spirit just breathed life into me. It is during those times I realize I have achieved the ‘something more’ I was craving. I can be very passionate about the subject of suicide today, though 16 years ago when I lost my dad, I couldn’t even say the word suicide. I am very passionate about mental health that sometimes I have to remember not everyone understands my journey and the job I have accepted, working for God. Though it isn’t always easy work and sometimes leaves me saddened for the families loss, I know this is the very job God has created me to do. My degree in communications, my training in the Stephen’s Ministry program as well as reading God’s word has equipped me with skills to not only be on the LOSS team, but to offer empathy, compassion and a listening ear to those God puts in my path. However it is in my personal experience of grief, my long sad days questioning why I had to lose my dad, that became ‘on the job training’ I needed to be there for someone when they are grieving.

God has also taught me, that I don’t have to be fulfilling the job of L.O.S.S team volunteer on the scene of a suicide to fulfill my purpose of offering empathy and compassion to others. I realize today, that can happen anytime in any situation in any of the roles God has me in.

The day God changed my life while working at Sears, was the day I realized my job wasn’t in retail. My job and title wasn’t fine jewelry coordinator and my employer wasn’t Sears. Sure, Sears was the employer name on my paycheck that provided the means to provide for my family. But actually it was the role I was in to fulfill my purpose; to fulfill my job description as Christian. My employer is God. My purpose is to build His kingdom. My job is to lead those God puts in my path, directly to Him using my strengths of communication and my experience in grief to offer empathy.

“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the law? Jesus replied, ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is to love your neighbor as yourself. Matthew 22:36-39

Though God has me in many roles in my life, they are not my purpose. Though I have many job titles between where I work now and my personal life: HR Coordinator, mom, wife, friend, daughter they are not my purpose. My purpose in this life isn’t to have a job that I’m using my college degree. My purpose isn’t to be a mom, wife or friend. My purpose isn’t achieving success. My purpose isn’t to live out what society knows as the ‘American Dream’; gaining an education, finding the perfect high-paying job, retiring with a large pension and happy life. My purpose and yours as well, is to see others for the struggles they are having in life and to use the strengths and gifts He created in us, and the testimony we have to share, to build his kingdom. Listening to the enemy of pursuing the ‘American Dream’ will always lead to living a life of yearning for something more.

That’s it! That’s our purpose when we have the job title as Christian. The job we have as Christians is to use our roles of employee, mom, wife, friend, daughter, fine jewelry coordinator or loss team volunteer, to listen to the Holy Spirit and offer empathy and compassion to those he puts in our path.

Proverbs 19:21, “Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.”

You may have a job that is an 8 hour shift 5 days a week. You may work 3 days a week for 12 hours. You may work 7 days a week, 12 hour days or you might not work at all. Working for God is a 7 day a week 24 hour shift. Though he provides down time because rest is important to Him, we must use that downtime wisely. Whether it is to spend time being still listening to his direction for us, reading his word to prepare you for the battle and job he will give you tomorrow, or to refresh because he just put your soul to work to be there for a friend at a time when you really didn’t want to show up at all.

I miss my dad each and every day. But the journey of loss he put me on was what I now consider, job training. He already signed my employment contract when I vowed to be a Christian. When I said I want to give my life to Jesus, God signed on the line giving me a job. A job that is so much more important and rewarding than any job that pays our bills or provides achievement of what the world considers success. It is a job that doesn’t matter whether or not I hold a college degree. It is a job that pays well because my soul is satisfied living for the very reason it was created! It is a job that has the most extensive prestigious retirement plan, an eternal life in heaven by His side.

Some days I don’t want to show up and ‘clock-in’ though there is no time clock working for God. Many times we feel we don’t have the right words to say or text to that friend struggling. So many times we think we will say the wrong thing and therefore we don’t say anything at all. The enemy knows the details of my employment contract with God. He tries hard and honestly sometimes succeeds in making me tell God, “I’m sorry but I have to call in today. I’m not strong enough, I’m going through my own struggles.” But sometimes, just like that day back at Sears when I didn’t even want to be there, sometimes we just have to show up and remember we are chosen to bear fruit.

“The rain and snow come down from the heavens and stay on the ground to water the earth. They cause the grain to grow, producing seed for the farmer and bread for the hungry. It is the same with my word. I send it out, and it always produces fruit. It will accomplish all I want it to and it will prosper everywhere I send it.” Isaiah 55:10-11

We have to accept the job in the very intentional moment he has placed us. We may feel completely unqualified and inadequate for the job. But he has chosen us, regardless of whether we feel we are qualified or not. He has chosen you to see that friend who is having a hard time and sit with them and say, I’m here, and God hears your cries.

“But you are the ones chosen by God, chosen for the high calling of priestly work, chosen to be a holy people. God’s instruments to do His work and speak for Him, to tell others of the night and day difference He made for you, from nothing to something, from rejected to accepted.” 1 Peter 2:9-19

I am thankful for those people God surrounds me with on the days the enemy tries to file an appeal against my employment contract with God. Days when life is hard, things are piling up and I’m struggling. Because the days I surrender to the enemy and say, “God send someone else, use someone else’s words” He sends a friend to show up in my life, encouraging me to move forward. That friend encourages me to keep showing up for work, writing and using my words to encourage others. Because they too accepted the job God chose them for. It’s their job and purpose of being a Christian to recognize my struggles on the days I don’t want to show up, to encourage me to move forward. A job they are worthy of and qualified to complete, regardless of whether they hold a college degree or have a lifetime of hard painful, job training.

That is the purpose for us and the purpose for life. We need to keep showing up, staying clocked in working to build His kingdom. We need to stop listening to the enemy when he puts doubts in our minds that we are enough or that we are not the right person for the job because of life’s failures we let define us. Whether it be preparing for the battle by reading God’s word or doing the hard work that fulfills our soul of being there for the ‘neighbor’ He puts in our path, being a Christian and working for God is a job title I am most proud of.